Got Jobs?

I'm turning 40 next week. The big 4-0. Yikes! How did this happen, I ponder. And, then I look back upon my certainly diverse, not necessarily impressive, but exceedingly busy business endeavors of the last 24 or so years:

Dishwasher in Kingston (near London), U.K.
Clothes sales assistant in Kingston, U.K.
Fundraiser in Epsom, U.K.
Guitar shop assistant and cleaner in Tempe, AZ
Service Sales in Tempe, AZ
Fundraiser in Scottsdale, AZ
Fundraiser in Phoenix, AZ
TV ad sales in Laughlin, NV
Print ad sales in Laughlin, NV
Publicist & Spokesperson in Laughlin, NV
Car salesperson in Kaneohe, Oahu, HI
Computer salesperson in Tempe, AZ
Internet product biz dev mgr in Tempe, AZ
Internet security software sales in western US
Software sales in Scottsdale, AZ
Wireless technology sales in western US
Bandwidth BDM in Tempe, AZ
Wife
Mother
Marketing consultant in Chandler, AZ
Pampered Chef consultant in Chandler, AZ
Mortgage salesperson in Chandler, AZ
Writer in Chandler, AZ
Franchise Project Manager in Scottsdale, AZ
Software Sales & Marketing Director in Scottsdale, AZ
Language Arts Teacher in Chandler, AZ
Bartender/Waitress in Gilbert, AZ

Well now. And, I wonder why I can't find a job.

Beautiful Mugs

So, here's your mug test: the doorbell rings, you approach and see a man in a brown uniform holding a packag and you think a) who is that strange man at my door, I'm not answering or b) oh, it's the UPS guy, cool. But, here's a twist, Pinelakers, what if it's not Reggie? Slight wavering of faith? And, further, what if said brown-clad individual says his cell phone isn't working and asks if he can use your phone? Still willing to believe he is that innocent, parcel-delivering friend? But, you say, what about the large, brown truck parked outside your house? Well, he could have mugged the actual UPS guy (oh no, poor Reggie!), swapped clothes, stolen his truck and driven specifically to your house to say he needs to use the phone just to... what? Deliver your new sheets himself?
I am a complete mug. I believe everyone about just about everything, especially if the person is holding a clipboard - very official. Or, in the case of the UPS guy, the Jeopardy-signature screen thingy. So, if Reggie is an implant from a terrorist cell, he's well in as far as I'm concerned. And that neighbor who is always digging curiously large holes in the back garden and burning things? I'm sure he has a gofer problem. And, of course you got on that website by accident. Yup, I can be that gullible. But, I like living in my rose-colored glasses world. It's good for my soul.

So, what exactly is a Maven?

Now, settle down and don't get your knickers in a twist over my initial definition - I only gave myself one line. When I say Maven, I mean woman of her own means, substance and amusement. This is not your cougar-type-out-on-the-town. No indeedy. This lady is married and generally appears cool, calm and sophisticated. And, is. However, given the opportunity in the bedroom -and here's the important part: with her husband - can be given to episodes of wild, uninhibited behaviour, rivaling (and indeed medalling over) any single counterpart.
So, is Maven in your repetoire? I thought so.

But wait, you're saying... (And, I know): Where are the kids during this bout of unparalleled enthusiasm? When does this happen? How? Of course I want to - Can I? Help! Now, as long as everyone understands I do not wear a long cape and carry an umbrella singing "A spoon full of sugar..." (well, not the actual umbrella singing), neither do I own a magic wand or any form of time manipulation machinery, we can continue. Honestly, I don't know! Just knowing you are a Maven at heart can sometimes be enough to propel you to creative solutions of your own. (I am fully aware that the walk-in closet is not the most romantic of venues, but hey, if the door locks...) I could be persuaded to impart with some more suggestions, if there appears to be a need... But, in the meantime, Mavens go forth and, oh dear Lord no; no more multiplying! Go forth and Mumbo, horizontally that is.

Are you a mum, a maven, a mug or perhaps a combination of all three? I am most definitely all three - varying in proportions of each, depending on the time. In order to determine your identity, let's examine the definitions of each:

Mum - mother, female parental unit, procreater, adopter, fosterer (my definition: nutter)
Maven - an expert or connoisseur, experienced (my definition: sophisticated, amusing ho-bag)
Mug - naive nitwit, believer of falsities (my definition: sweet and trusting)

So, which one(s) are you? Yeah, I thought so. And, don't go on your personal tirade about being a hard-arse and not trusting anyone or believing anything until you've seen it. I know you. You *want* to believe, you *want* to trust - you *NEED* me on that wall! I am your Mug Poster Child.

Moving on: Mums.
Really, what *were* we thinking? Love them? Of course! Love our families? Definitely. All the time? Really? Errr... NO! Oh dear, I sound so dreadfully dark. Not so. I am just a fan of what has apparently become an infinitely unachievable reality - that of "Me-time". Just me, that is. Not me and "Mum, can I have some crackers?" Not me and "Mum, can I get in the bath, too?" Not me and "Mum, why is the door shut?" (you know where I'm talking about.) Enough for today, I wish you Me-time, or would it be Your-time?